Retouched Intro!

I chose to revise my first essay. This essay was really hard for me and there were many grammatical errors. I mainly tried to cut down the repetition and make the essay more short and to the point. "In the end all that matter is the way a person feels about their true identity and how the people that person cared about felt about there true identity." This is my main point throughout the essay and I hope that it was made.